k o s m o k r a t o r

i'm sorry to say, that i'm going to share with you, the worst photograph ever taken.
it disturbs me on so many levels. and i'm picking by the condition of the sofa, he's done what he's doing before.

click here if you are squeamish


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Nealbie ( mail/url ) @ 30/10/2004 - 00:01
yes my dear that is pretty gross. but if you really wanna toss your cookies.. take a gander at this one! http://fotm.rotten.com/fotm/f13.html

pete ( mail/url ) @ 30/10/2004 - 07:05
what???
that is nothing. who hasn't had two obese twats trying to press themselves up against you?
everytime i go out with ggf and pom it happens.

that is as tame as a peahen on heat. all fluff and no substance.
sorry neal, go to the back of the queue on that one mate.

Nealbie ( mail/url ) @ 30/10/2004 - 19:07
better?

http://fotm.rotten.com/fotm/pp01.html

our resident pom, who was going to be deported next wek, has had an official extention granted to her for 12 months for a full work visa, so she is very very happy. a complete turn around from yesterday when she was so despondant about what was going to happen to her.
so to celebrate, giant, ggf, pom and myself went out for beers and vodka and limes to celebrate her staying in the country.
yay. just what we need. more english in the country.
we talked and talked and talked about love and being in love and troubles and what it means to be friends and, i cried.

i only ever cry about one thing, so it came as a bit of a shock.
i suspect ggf has been slyly chatting to flatmates about me and they were being nice to me. but it now appears i am actually the most nice yummy lovely sweet gorgeous sexy hot tidy officious, yet relaxed, young homo my flatmates have ever lived with. i think i might even cry again.

saw two drunk guys dancing to robbie williams at the pub tonight. so that proves he's batting on our team.

ggf came into my room last night just after i went to bed.
i was reading, but she said would i mind if she had a word with me. of course not i said.
so she climbed on top and looked at me and that made me laugh.
and she said that she hadn't heard me laugh in over a week and what was fu*king going on with me. i know some people (including tsm) will know what my first response was, but she tickled me until i told her the truth.
she and i seem to have the same problem. in love with someone who doesn‘t/can’t/wont love us back. it's a deep and difficult thing to come to grips with and i guess she noticed i'm not coping with it as well as i should or could be.
plus, the stress of this infernal dissertation and the stress of finding another flatmate and the stress of not having a lawnmower is piling up on top of me. i am, unbeknown to some, a sensitive boy.
so she gave me a cuddle and a big kiss and made me feel for a fleeting moment that i was important and you cannot realise, in fact, i did not realise, how wonderful it could feel. then she said, she wished i wasn't gay so she could seduce me.
aint that the loveliest thing?

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tom ( mail/url ) @ 27/10/2004 - 23:35
hope you‘re feeling a little better now...

dave ( mail/url ) @ 28/10/2004 - 04:43
can i seduce you then? i’ll even cut your grass ... *wink! was thinking about you & wishing you best wishes ....
dave in new orleans

Dean ( mail/url ) @ 30/10/2004 - 04:27
our hearts are always drawn to stars that want us not ... but when we realize it shouldn't be, we become a brighter star ouselves....does that sound like i am trying to hard to be profound?

pete ( mail/url ) @ 30/10/2004 - 07:12
but that's the trouble dean, i think it ‘should’ be. i know it ‘should’. in my bones.

when you see the car or the house or the suit that is none other than absolutely perfect for you, you also know when it happens with a boy.
i have found the one i want, but he doesn‘t/can’t/wont want me back. that's what makes me sad. not that i can‘t/haven’t found him yet.

someone told me to be careful of what i wished for, because it might just come true.
well, i wished for someone to take my heart, and i found him. trouble is dean, he wont give it back.
that's my burden.

Dean ( mail/url ) @ 01/11/2004 - 08:25
pete, you can never understand how well i am able to identify with that feeling....or maybe you can.

i'm tired. tired of all this crap that happens around me.
argueing. yelling. hitting. stamping of feet.
scowling. being told what to do and who to be by people i‘ve never even met.
my life is not much. it’s sad and lonely and full of hopelessness. but it's mine. built by me. auged by me.
heed not the man who tells you where you went wrong sayeth the lord, ‘cause he speaketh not with knowledge, but with envy.
or so goes my made up new testament.

i am so tired. and so lonely.


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Nealbie ( mail/url ) @ 23/10/2004 - 17:24
Want a silver lining? Simple but true... It can ALWAYS get worse. So be a dear, just flash that gorgeous smile of yours, sport those tight ass jeans, and try not to worry so.

Craig ( mail/url ) @ 24/10/2004 - 04:16
You are loved.

tom ( mail/url ) @ 24/10/2004 - 06:41
Come on Pete, hang in there a while longer. Soon your thesis will be done, you can get a job and be your own man to do with your life whatever, whenever you please. And do what Nealbie says- smile and put on those tight jeans...

Mike ( mail/url ) @ 24/10/2004 - 15:04
Sorry to hear you feeling down. Keep it in perspective man: at the end of the day youve got more of the things that matter than most ever do. And although you may feel powerless sometimes, you’re setting yourself up for an amazing life in which anything you really want will come to you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and your goal in sight... you‘ll get there.

Rick ( mail/url ) @ 26/10/2004 - 05:12
You know ur loved hun, even though sometimes u dont feel like thats the case, or there isnt someone there to show u. You will always have ur friends here to turn on the light at the end of the tunnel. Huggles sweets

Jay ( mail/url ) @ 27/10/2004 - 20:16
Thanks for your gorgeous email Mr Pete - it means the world to me - I hope you’re doing OK - and will talk to you soon as I have lots of interesting and exciting news :)
xxJ

pete ( mail/url ) @ 27/10/2004 - 23:34
i meant every word jay.